awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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