I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
