my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
