i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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