i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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