**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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