party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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