you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Come on in and take your pants off
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