Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
