I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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