Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
