...so i touched it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
