when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
