Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
