Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
