1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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