he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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