I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
