if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
