Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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