i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize