i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
