Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
