Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
