I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
