So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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