Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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