I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My penis needs a shock collar
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
