mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
