You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
