im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize