I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
