but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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