I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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