So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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