Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
