K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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