I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
