and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
