someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
