Please, let me fuck your mom
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
