Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
