i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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