Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
