I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like death gave me a hand job
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
