dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
