Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
