is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
