i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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