He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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