Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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