you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
