I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
