I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
