I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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