dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize