You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
