Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
