Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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