i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
