who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
