I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
