Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize