I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize