How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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