I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
