i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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