Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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