her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
