I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
