I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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